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Tips for Divorcing a Narcissist

When you think of the word "narcissist," you are likely to think of a person who seems to be obsessed with themselves. Narcissism is a legitimate personality disorder that can cause issues in relationships. Narcissists exhibit behaviors such as a grandiose sense of self-importance, the need for constant praise and admiration and an uncanny ability to manipulate the people around them for their own benefit. Any divorce is stressful, but divorcing a narcissist can present unique situations and challenges that do not exist when divorcing a spouse who is emotionally healthy.



At Mirabella, Kincaid, Frederick & Mirabella, LLC, our knowledgeable team can help you through the difficulties of divorcing a narcissistic spouse. Our Wheaton, IL divorce attorneys have been helping clients navigate the complexities of divorce since 1949 and are prepared to help you with your case.

In divorces that involve narcissistic spouses, it is important to choose the right attorney for your case. Though it is not impossible, it is unlikely that your divorce will be amicable. Narcissistic spouses will look for any opportunity to make things difficult. You should look for an attorney who has experience dealing with these types of cases, like our attorneys here at MKFM. Our adept Illinois divorce attorneys have experience handling various types of high-conflict divorce cases. Our attorneys know when to be aggressive and when to be compromising with a difficult spouse.

Much like your marriage likely was, divorcing a narcissistic spouse is often emotionally stressful. Your narcissistic spouse's goal is to wear you down as much as possible and make your life unnecessarily complicated. This can take its toll on you, which is why it is important that you keep your own well-being at the forefront. It is a good idea to seek mental health counseling or hire a divorce coach during your divorce. You should also keep your physical health in check by exercising regularly, eating healthy and getting enough sleep every night.

Narcissists are usually master manipulators. They use whoever and whatever they want to accomplish their own goals. One of the ways they may try to manipulate you is by using your words against you or creating false statements - often known as "gaslighting". The best way to combat this type of behavior is to make sure all of your conversations are in writing. Use email or texting to talk with your spouse so you always have a copy of the exchange. Keep this documentation in a safe place.

If you are concerned about your divorce with a narcissistic or high-conflict spouse, our divorce lawyers are here to help. At Mirabella, Kincaid, Frederick & Mirabella, LLC, we will work with you to make your divorce with a narcissistic spouse as painless as possible. To schedule an initial consultation, call our office today at 630-665-7300. We serve clients throughout DuPage, Kane and Kendall counties.

My Spouse and I are Still Living Together. Can We Still File for Divorce?

When you and your spouse decide to file for a divorce, you will encounter many legal and personal questions. You will need to make important decisions regarding the division of marital property, spousal maintenance, and the allocation of parental responsibilities and parenting time (formerly known as child custody and visitation).



It is likely that one of the first decisions you will discuss is your living arrangement. What if you cannot move out of your home immediately? Can you still file for divorce?

At Mirabella, Kincaid, Frederick & Mirabella, LLC, we understand the trying decisions that arise as the divorce process unfolds. Deciding when (or if) to move out and where to live can be overwhelming financially and emotionally.

Continuing to reside in the same house as your spouse may not be ideal, but in some circumstances, you (or your spouse) may be unable to move out prior to the divorce. If you are currently unemployed, underemployed, or working as a homemaker, it is reasonable to secure a source of income before moving out. Moving out of the family home too quickly could exacerbate your financial worries or negatively impact the allocation of parental responsibilities and parenting time.

If you are working through your divorce amicably and have discussed this with your divorce attorney, you may still file for divorce while residing in the same family home. Under Illinois law, it is possible to file for a divorce even when you and your spouse continue to live under the same roof. Previously divorcing couples were required to live separate and apart for a specific length of time prior to being granted a divorce. Now, however, family law judges only require proof of irreconcilable differences. Irreconcilable differences refer to the breakdown of a marriage to a degree that any future attempts at reconciliation are either not possible or not in the best interest of the entire family.

At Mirabella, Kincaid, Frederick & Mirabella, LLC, we recognize the numerous decisions that must be made during the process of divorcing your spouse. Because your living arrangements can directly affect the divorce process, it's vital to speak with a Wheaton, IL divorce attorney before making any logistics decisions. Together, our dedicated team of attorneys has decades of family law experience.

To schedule a free consultation, call MKFM Law at 630-665-7300 today. We provide representation for clients throughout the western suburbs of Chicago, including Wheaton, Naperville, Oak Brook, Downers Grove, and throughout DuPage, Kane and Kendall Counties.

My Ex-Spouse Makes More Money Than Me. Why do I Have to Pay Him or Her Child Support?

Child support is one of the most emotionally involved topics covered during the divorce process. Under Illinois law, children have the right to be supported by both parents. Child support refers to the amount of money that the court orders one parent to pay another. If you are filing for a divorce, our team of experienced family law attorneys at Mirabella, Kincaid, Frederick & Mirabella, LLC can help you navigate the child support laws.



The child support laws in Illinois underwent major changes in 2017. In the past, child support was calculated by examining the non-custodial parent's income and the number of dependents. Now, the judges in family court use more advanced formulas to calculate child support. The newest laws factor in more variables, including:

  • The income of both parents;
  • Financial needs of both parents;
  • The number of children;
  • Each parent's parenting time and parental responsibilities, including the number of overnights;
  • Financial requirements of the child;
  • The educational needs (e.g., tuition) of the child;
  • The standard of living the child received while the parents were married.

Because of the changes to the law, it is possible that you could owe child support even if your ex-spouse earns more money. For instance, if your ex-spouse is the custodial parent of multiple children with extensive financial needs, you may still owe child support especially if your ex-spouse has been designated as the parent with the majority of parenting time. Child support funds may be used for general living expenses including food and shelter. Even if your ex-spouse is the higher earner, you may be required to make child support payments.

Your trusted attorney can guide you through this process and assist you with your support case. In complex cases or cases of self-employed parents, forensic accounting may be useful when determining fair child support payments. Forensic accounting refers to the in-depth analysis of accounting records, taxes, business receipts and more, to determine the true income of one or both parents.

If you believe you are entitled to an increase or reduction in child support payments or have concerns about how your child support is calculated, contact an attorney. At MKFM Law, we work hard to craft the best parenting plan and help you understand the newest laws. Our firm has decades of combined experience in divorce and family law.

Contact our Wheaton, IL office at 630-665-7300 to schedule a free consultation today. We represent clients throughout the western suburbs of Chicago, Illinois including Wheaton, Naperville, Oak Brook DuPage, Kane, and Kendall Counties.

If I Leave My Spouse and Move Out of Our Marital Home, Will I be Accused of Abandoning the Marriage or My Children?

When you and your spouse determine that the dissolution of your marriage is in the best interests of all parties, it is reasonable to assume that one spouse will move out. This is especially relevant if tensions have been high or if there have been several disagreements. Deciding which spouse should move out of the family home can be emotional. When and where you decide to move can have a big impact on your divorce, especially if you and your spouse have children.



You may want to leave as soon as possible if your relationship with your spouse is not amicable. However, you will want to know how that will affect your parenting rights and parenting time and if moving out of the family home equates to abandoning your children.


At Mirabella, Kincaid, Frederick & Mirabella, LLC, we understand the difficult decisions you need to make, especially if your relationship is rocky. It is vital to speak with your attorney before you move out – even if you intend the move to be temporary.

Continuing to live with your spouse in the family home during a divorce can be chaotic, especially if there is constant bickering. Disagreements can affect not only your mental and emotional health, but they can affect your children as well. If you are struggling to remain amicable, speak with your divorce attorney and get the guidance you need.

Moving out of the home does not necessarily mean that you abandon your marriage or your children, but it can allow your spouse an opportunity to be designated as the primary residential parent. If your spouse and children remain in the family home, you may have a harder time when the courts begin the process of allocating parental responsibilities.

Even if you do not have children, do not move out of the marital home without first speaking with your divorce attorney. Moving out during the divorce can affect childless couples as well. For instance, if you were the higher-earning spouse and left, you may be required to continue to pay the bills under a status quo ante order. This could result in financial strain as you pay for a new residence for yourself and continue to pay the bills of the marital residence.

An experienced family law attorney can guide you through the details – such as when to move out – as you work through the divorce process.

At Mirabella, Kincaid, Frederick & Mirabella, LLC, we understand that navigating through a divorce can be overwhelming. As family and divorce attorneys, we are experienced in advising couples through these difficult periods.

For more advice, please contact us for an initial consultation. Call 630-665-7300 to speak with our Wheaton IL attorneys. Our office is conveniently located in Wheaton, Illinois, and we represent clients throughout DuPage, Kendall, and Kane counties.


Is it Possible for My Ex-Spouse and Me to Have Flexibility with Our Parenting Time (Formerly Known as Visitation)?

When you and your spouse decide to officially end your marriage, there are many issues to address, including the division of assets and the calculation of child support. One of the most pressing matters is determining when and for how long you will see your children. Parenting time, formerly known as visitation, is without a doubt an important topic. Parenting time is the amount of time a parent spends with the child or children. During this allocated time, the parent oversees the child's daily schedule, nutritional needs, and general well-being. Parenting time does not refer to the authority to make major decisions; the allocation of parental responsibilities determines this. Note that parenting time may also apply to you even if you and your co-parent were never married.



Our dedicated team of Wheaton, IL attorneys at Mirabella, Kincaid, Frederick & Mirabella, LLC can help you navigate through this process and help protect your rights as a parent. We have decades of experience helping parents create a parenting time schedule that works well for all parties involved.

If you and your ex-partner are struggling to create a parenting plan that pleases everyone, it is a good idea to speak with an experienced attorney. Each parenting plan varies by situation, but it is important to remember that in Illinois, there is not a minimum amount of parenting time required by law. Throughout the process of determining the time you will have with your children, you may be awarded a temporary parenting time schedule while the final details are worked out.

There are many factors involved in creating a parenting time schedule, including:

  • The child's wishes;
  • Distances between the parents' houses (i.e., weeknight visitations may not be feasible for a parent living a long distance away);
  • The desires of each parent;
  • Transportation and logistics issues;
  • The child's safety and well-being during visitations;
  • The willingness of each parent to co-parent amicably.

Once the parenting time schedule has been established, it is not unreasonable for either parent to desire flexibility in the schedule from time to time. While many parenting time schedules involve alternating weekends, the reality is that parenting time schedules can be as flexible as both parties want it to be.

If you would like to create a more flexible arrangement, it is important to work with a parenting time visitation lawyer to know your rights before making any changes or deviations in your parenting time schedules. Significant changes to your parenting plan may require mediation or a modification to your agreement.

If you have concerns about your parenting time arrangements, contact an attorney to discuss your needs. At Mirabella, Kincaid, Frederick & Mirabella, LLC, we have decades of experience creating parenting plans. To schedule an initial consultation, contact our Wheaton, IL law office at 630-665-7300. We represent clients throughout DuPage, Kane, and Kendall Counties.


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250 W. River Drive, Unit 2A
St. Charles, IL 60174
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From our law office in Wheaton, IL the family law and civil litigation law attorneys of Mirabella, Kincaid, Frederick and Mirabella, represent businesses and individual clients throughout the western suburbs of Chicago, Illinois including Wheaton, Naperville, Oak Brook, Glen Ellyn, Carol Stream, Lombard, Downers Grove, Burr Ridge, Lisle, Elmhurst, Oakbrook Terrace, Winfield, Woodridge, Warrenville and throughout DuPage, Kane and Kendall Counties.

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In honor of the passing of our founder, Joseph F. Mirabella, Jr., our offices are closed Friday, January 31, 2020.I Agree