Four Ways You Can Make Mediation Work for Your Illinois Divorce

 Posted on June 11, 2025 in Divorce

The divorce rate has steadily declined over the past two decades, although many experts attribute that decline to the fact that fewer people are getting married and more people are living together. That said, across the United States, the national marriage rate is hovering near an all-time low. Arkansas and Wyoming have the highest divorce rates, and Vermont has the lowest rate of divorce. New Mexico takes top honors for the least number of people per capita getting married.  

Regardless of the number of people marrying or divorcing, when it happens to you, it becomes much more than a statistic. If you and your spouse are considering divorce, you may want to consider mediation. While mediation is not right for everyone (especially those whose marriage involves domestic abuse), it can be a good alternative to allowing a judge to make decisions that you will be bound to for many years to come.

Divorce mediation can be a much more peaceful way to end a marriage than engaging in a full-blown battle in a courtroom. Mediation does not mean that you have to settle for a bad asset division or an allocation of parental responsibilities and parenting time that you are unhappy with. However, mediation does require some planning with your Wheaton, IL divorce lawyer.  

The Best Ways to Ensure Mediation Works for You

Perhaps the very best way to have a successful mediation is to get beyond "I want." If there is something you really want in the divorce, explaining why you want it is much more likely to result in a positive outcome. For example, rather than stubbornly declaring, "I want the house, and I deserve it," explain to your spouse the reasons you want the house.

Perhaps you are an avid gardener, and the house has a big garden and greenhouse. Or perhaps your children’s best friends are in the neighborhood. Explain your request calmly rather than demanding. Other ways to have a successful outcome to your mediation include:

Prepare for Your First Mediation Session

Sometimes, you and your attorney will prepare a pre-mediation statement that provides the mediator with basic background information prior to meeting you and your spouse and gathering more details. This statement should concisely outline the negotiation points. Explore the strengths and weaknesses of your case with your lawyer. It is certainly worth your time to bring a proposed Parenting Plan and Asset and Debt Spreadsheet as starting points.

Remember that Mediation is All About Compromise

Successful mediation involves compromise and a "reset" of expectations prior to beginning mediation. You are unlikely to leave mediation with everything you want. The goal is for both sides to be able to live with the agreements reached, even if they are less than perfect. If you go into mediation with the notion that you must "win," you are unlikely to be successful.  

Take Breaks When Tempers Flare

If you notice points of tension and feel your emotions are building up, ask for a quick break. This allows you to step away for a moment and reevaluate the situation. These breaks can be crucial to the ability to think clearly and consider all options.

Patience is Necessary During Mediation

Realistically, mediation can be tedious. There will be a lot of "back and forth," and depending on the issues you need to resolve, it can be time-consuming and even boring. Set your goals, have realistic expectations, and do your best to stay the course before making the decision to walk away unless the mediator tells you that the mediation is unlikely to be successful.

Contact a DuPage County, IL Divorce Lawyer

Ask a Wheaton, IL divorce attorney from Mirabella, Kincaid, Frederick & Mirabella, LLC about mediation and whether he or she thinks it will work for you and your spouse. Our attorneys have extensive experience in all aspects of divorce and can help you choose the best path for your particular situation. MKFM Law serves family law clients at our offices in Kane County, DuPage County, and DeKalb County. Call 630-665-7300 to schedule your initial attorney meeting.